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Emotional Intelligence at its Best!
Part I
Emotional Intelligence is not new, however, it is also not an established household concept. But my guess is that almost everyone will recognize either themselves or someone they know in its theory and application. In the most simplest of terms, emotional intelligence (also referred to as EI, or EQ) is our ability to recognize our own emotions and those of others, and to use this ability to be more effective. Because we live in a world with other human beings, other emotional beings, we find ourselves faced with emotionally charged situations each and every day. Truly successful people are the ones who can deal within this emotionally charged world in such a way that others want to be around them, learn from them and help them succeed.
Emotionally Intelligent people are the ones who seem to always get what they want. They are confident, secure in themselves and their abilities, and have a ton of natural charisma. Emotionally intelligent people are always on top of their game, and very rarely “dump” on those around them. Instead, EQ leaders are in a position to always search out and find the best in others, creating a place where people can be themselves, and take risks without fear of retribution, retaliation, or recrimination. Sounds vaguely like Nirvana to many both at work and home…
More commonly, we probably all know emotionally unintelligent people. Low EQ people are the ones who walk through life without a thought or a care about the bad feelings they leave in their wake. These are the people who find it difficult to contain their anger, anxiety, or fear- those who allow their emotions to control their behaviour in often explosive ways. Can anyone say “Road Rage” or “Raging Lunatic”?
Daniel Golman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence at Work, called this emotional hijacking. An emotional hijack is at its root the caveman reaction we commonly call the Fight or Flight reflex. Millions of years ago, when a caveman heard a noise in the bushes, his main thought was –“Will I be eating this for dinner tonight, or will it be eating me?” In about a millionth of a second, that caveman decided whether he would stay to fight, or run like his life depended on it. Thankfully, we are not in the land of dangerous dinosaurs anymore, however, our brains have not seemed to have caught on to this…
When we feel or believe we are in danger (regardless of whether this danger is real or perceived), our brain jumps into immediate action, getting our bodies ready to fight or take flight. We do not think about what to do. Instead, our brain floods our bodies with a chemical cocktail designed to ready us for big movement. One of the pillars of emotional intelligence is the recognition that we feel before we think. In fact, anyone who has been in a highly emotionally stressed situation will recall that their ability to “think straight” is greatly reduced – some people report not being able to think at all, to only have the ability to react – whether we react appropriately or inappropriately is the real determining factor of emotional intelligence. Will this thing making noise in the bushes be dinner, or will I?
In this twelve part series, I will be examining the theory and science of emotional intelligence to explore ways in which we can learn to become more powerful performers. I will discuss the four levels of emotional intelligence, and bring in expert information from a wide variety of sources. I promise not to bore readers with highly technical data or statistics, but I DO promise to offer ideas, case studies and exercises that can help improve overall performance through increased emotional intelligence. There is a belief, and studies seem to support this theory, that only 20% of our success comes from IQ. That leaves 80% of our success to EQ. Would it not make sense to learn as much as we can about becoming more Emotionally Intelligent?
Oh, did I mention that our emotional reactions to world events are not instinctive? The way we react to emotionally charged situations is a learned response. It is a HABIT, and if we so choose, one from which we can break free. To break any habit requires accurate self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-discipline. For those committed to expanding their emotional repertoire and strengthening their emotional muscles, I promise a fun, informative and inspiring year!
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